Gardening can have its rewards

Here in the UK on a national holiday in the summer if you are not away on vacation you either visit a garden centre or go to the beach if the weather is good. Yesterday my wife suggested that we visit the garden centre and then have lunch out. I groaned inside  my head as I hate trudging around these places and  I hate even more the work that follows in the garden once she gets her purchases home. Her motto is “I pick,you dig.” 

Of course I did not verbalise what I was thinking and I looked cheerful about her suggestion and off we set.

I followed her around the lines of plants for a while and then we got split up. Wandering to the edge of the nursery I came across a section of “sale” plants. These were unloved and in the main half-dead plants and shrubs. 

I spotted a bamboo in a pot which had about 6 stems and was in need of attention. At £5.00 I thought it might be worth saving so I picked it up and went off to find my wife. The idea of training some bamboo growing in the garden that might be freshly cut for a switch was appealing.

“Can I buy this?” I asked when I found my wife near to the autumn/winter planting section.

“Why?"

Because I think I can rescue it and it would look in that shady corner by the side wall.

She looked at it  and then smiled at me. “ And do you have anything else in mind ?”

“Yes ma’am., but you said the other day that I had to ask before I bought another implement.”

“OK then. Now help me with these and then we will go look for a suitable pot for your caning tree. It can’t go in the ground because that stuff grows like wildfire.”

I placed the bamboo in the trolley and set about assisting with her selection of plants and shrubs.

By the time we left the nursery it was clear that I would be digging for a day or more to get everything planted.

We had a pub lunch and then went home. I dutifully carted her purchase from one corner of tehgarden to another as she decided where to place things and then changed her mind. By the end of the afternoon she was happy with things and announced that she was hot and sticky and going for a swim at theleisure centre. She told me to get busy and plant things nicely in the ground.

As dusk fell I was finished and she arrived to inspect my work. I had watered everything in and had turned the hose on myself a couple of times to ccol off. The bamboo was settled in its new pot and I thought it was already looking happier.

We had supper and watched TV and then my wife announced that I had been such a diligent gardener that she would give me a reward.

“Go and fetch the hairbrush and you can put on a pair of those knickers of yours and wait for me in the bedroom. Don’t forget to close the windows and curtains.”

Excitedly I headed off to do her bidding. I showered and got prepared. When my wife came into the room she smirked at the sight of me bulging out of the knickers.

“What would your friends say now if they could see you now?”

I stiffened as she picked up the hairbrush and sat on the end of blanket chest.

"Come  on then you naughty boy. Fancy wearing girlie knickers. You should be ashamed of yourself. I hope they are not a pair of mine."

She carried on the scolding as I bent over her knees and stretched out my legs, pushing my bottom to the centre of her lap. Pulling the pants up tight with one hand she began to spank me hard with the brush.

My wife knows how to get the best out of her gardener. Now I just have to get that bamboo to flourish.