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Friday, 23 August 2013

Caught out with a wooden spoon

The wooden spoon is often awarded to a person who come last in a race or a competition. In my case I was given  for being dense and careless.

It came about like this.  A few months ago I was driving my wife around the country as she made her business calls. I had no job at the time and we were happy to be together. On one trip I had a sense that she might do a spanking session in the hotel that evening. The only problem was that I had no implement with me so as I wandered around the local town I looked for a shop which might sell something useful. 

It was a medium size market town so it wasn’t ever going to have a "canes R us" but I did try an antique shop, but to no avail. I found a hardware shop and spotted a rack of kitchen items and "bingo", there was a super sized wooden jam making spoon. At £4.00 it was a bargain. I took the spoon back to the car and hid it under the mat in the boot (trunk) trunk on top of the spare wheel.

Later on  that afternoon I smuggled the spoon into the hotel bedroom. It went unused in the end so the next day before we drove off I put it back under the car mat. The problem was from that point on I forgot about it.

I next saw the spoon on the kitchen worktop yesterday evening and I instantly regretted my stupidity at not remembering where I had left it. As I stared at the spoon my wife glared at me.

“Drop your trousers and get over that table.”

I did as I was told and lay there with my short pants on and my knees trembling a bit.

“What the hell was this doing hidden in the car?” she shrieked her question as she waved the end of the spoon in front of my face.

She had taken my car to go with  a day off to a local auction sale. Having bought  a small item of furniture one of the staff carried it out for her and they were trying to squeeze it  into the boot.

 As they did so the carpet mat had rucked up and there was the spoon.

“I have never been so embarrassed in all my life,” my wife went on. “ The chap must have guessed it was an odd place to have a wooden spoon and I was covered in confusion. I actually said it must be my husband’s which sounds even weirder.”

The assistant had grinned apparently and said something like he could think of lots of uses for a wooden spoon but not in a car.

“I suppose I should be gratefull it wasn’t a cane or a paddle.” she said in an exasperated tone.

I began to explain why it had come to be there but she cut me short telling me that she had figured it all out, since I wasn’t known for buying things for the kitchen.

At this point she placed her left hand on the small of my back and began to spank me hard. 

Kitchen spankings are never on the bare bottom for hygiene reasons but over the thin stretched cotton of the pants the spanks from that spoon were still fiercely painful. The length of the spoon handle must have increased the radial velocity, or something like that, and the spanking was quite unbearable.

After quite a long time she had smacked all of my bottom and the tops of my legs. She ranted at me throughout the spanking telling me if I wanted a wooden spoon spanking she was going to give me one I would not forget. I was crying a bit by the time she stopped.

“ Get to your feet” 

She yanked down the back of the pants and expressed satisfaction at the results.

"From now on you buy nothing to with spanking without asking me. We have quite enough toys anyway so I am not short of anything to use on that bottom of yours."

I am still quite red this morning and when I made coffee I noticed that the spoon had been placed in the utility jar. I guess it might come out again.


  1. My wife has been using the wooden spoons (several of them), along with wooden spatulas, ever since we got married - but especially when I fail to perform to her satisfaction the many domestic chores I have been assigned (many of them to be discharged in the kitchen, where hardwood cooking spoons are normally kept - along with the martinet).

    Other transgressions are punished with a number of other "tools"...

    1. Sounds like you are kept well in check. Thanks for stopping by.

  2. wooden spoons, bare bottoms and spanking all seem to go together. When my bottom is bare and R has a wooden spoon in her hand she seems to think she can play music on my cheeks. She does get quite a beat going that seems to match my hollering ouch and owww.

    1. For all their smallness they pack a punch and can sting like no other instrument.


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